My favorite quotes

“We send missionaries to China so the Chinese can get to heaven, but we won't let them into our country.”
Pearl S. Buck (American author, 1938 Nobel Prize for Literature, 1892-1973)

"I'm against [marriage for same-sex couples] for a very simple reason: In the '60s, they all said we had the right to the difference. And now, suddenly, they want a bourgeois life."
Karl Lagerfeld

"A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad"
Theodore Roosevelt

Every disadvantage has got it's advantage.
Johan Cruijff

Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.

"When you think about Sir Alex Ferguson two things come to mind - he’s unique and successful."
Jose Mourinho, after Sir Ferguson secured the 47th trophy of his illustrious managerial career as United won the English League title for a record 19th time.


“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”
Abraham Lincoln quotes (American 16th US President (1861-65), who brought about the emancipation of the slaves. 1809-1865)

“It takes a long time to grow young.”
Pablo Picasso quotes (Spanish Artist and Painter. 1881-1973)

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Pope John XXII

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.
Emily Dickinson

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
Mark Twain

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.”

“Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.”

“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.”

“Life is too short to be small.”
Benjamin Disraeli quotes (British Prime Minister and Novelist. 1804-1881)

“The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.”

There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.

I didn’t forget your birthday, i just forgot today’s date!

You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!

Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar…….. Yung No Mo

You know the world's messed up when the world's best rapper is white, the best golfer is black, the tallest man in the NBA is Asian, and the girl with the highest voice is Justin Bieber.

"Không có phải thay mặt ai cả, mặt ai người ấy dùng"

‎"I don't believe in hell. I believe in unemployment."
Tootsie

If you say Jesus backwards it sounds like sausage.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Bill Vaughan

There's always be an IF in Life, and Lie in Believe, an Us in Trust and Over in Lover.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
Carol Nelson

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Katharine Whitehorn, Roundabout

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
Larry Wilde

Don’t be surprised if a BIG fat red man comes down your chimney and puts you in a black sack... I told Santa I want you for Christmas.

Can I get a Picture of You so that I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

You know you've grown up when none of the things you want for Christmas can be bought at a store.

'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.'
Victor Borge

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

'Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?'
Arlo Guthrie

“Be Yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”
Oscar Wilde

Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.
Inception

All men must choose between two paths. Good is the path of honour, friends and family. Evil... well, it's just cooler.
Megamind

No, You can't!
Megamind

Bolo?
Megamind

"You can't see the woods for the trees."
John Heywood's 'A dialogue Conteynyng the Nomber in Effect of all the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue.' He wrote 'Plentie is no deinte, ye see not your owne ease. I see, ye can not see the wood for trees.', 1546.

"Some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar."
Rafael Benitez on Roy Hodgson comment 'White liquid in a bottle has to be milk.'

I'd give all the Champagne I've ever drunk to be playing alongside him in a big European match at Old Trafford.
George Best on Eric Cantona

Mandy Henry: You were the only player to avoid the hairdryer treatment. Why was that?
Eric Cantona: Because I was good.

When an Italian tells me its pasta on the plate I check under the sauce to make sure. They are the inventors of the smokescreen.
Sir Alex Ferguson before Champions League game against Inter Milan in 1999

He'll do ridiculous things in training like say, "You see that tree over there?" - it'll be 40 yards away - "I'm going to hit it". And he'll do it. Everyone at the club considers him the best.
Rio Ferdinand on Scholes

'Then there was Roy Keane. You never felt you were beaten when Keaney was in your team. He never threw in the towel. I don't think any of the rest of us were less determined to win than Keaney, but what makes him different is the way he gets it across, his anger if you like. More than any other player I've seen, he affects players around him.'
Ryan Giggs on Keane

'Suddenly, I found that there was a group of mates beside me in the team. I had become friendly with David Beckham. He lived near me. I remember him coming into the changing rooms when he was about 15. Fergie would often bring a youngster in to shake hands with all the first-team players. With Becks, Steve Bruce said: "He must be some player, because he's in here every week." He was always flash, always the Londoner, but he got on with all the lads.'
Ryan Giggs on Beckham

'If I've seen anyone more confident on a football field, it's Wayne. He's just so strong, he's got pace and, like Eric, he does things which he makes look easy but which are really hard. 'The first thing I noticed about him was his control and his movement, his ability to turn as he's controlling the ball. And he's got great power and a great shot. When he signed from Everton the whole dressing room was excited. We're players, but we're fans as well — and like fans, we want United to get the best players.'
Ryan Giggs on Rooney

'I remember running home from my mate's house, turning the corner and seeing that big Mercedes,' says Giggs. 'I'd forgotten he was coming that day. It was the one and only time he's ever let me off with being late...'
Ryan Giggs on meeting Fergie for the first time

Little things he does have an effect, like remembering your mum's name. You think: "How can Alex Ferguson know my mum's name?" That makes your mum happy. And if your mum's happy, you're happy. So you sign.
Ryan Giggs on Sir Alex Ferguson

(Giggs continued: 'Manchester United have given me everything I've possibly wanted, you know. Some people, like Alan Shearer, have great careers but don't win trophies. I've been lucky to win so much — and get the friendships I've enjoyed. It's been the whole package. I wouldn't swap my career with anyone's.')

"Sometimes you look in a field and you see a cow and you think it's a better cow than the one you've got in your own field. It's a fact. Right? And it never really works out that way."
Sir Alex Ferguson

"There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America."
Barack Obama

"There is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America. There is not a black America and a white America and latino America and asian America - there's the United States of America"
Barack Obama

"You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig."
Barack Obama jabbed at John McCain and Sarah Palin's idea of "change".

(The complete statement from Obama was: "John McCain says he's about change, too, and so I guess his whole angle is 'Watch out, George Bush, except for economic policy, health care policy, tax policy, education policy, foreign policy and Karl Rove-style politics – we're really going to shake things up in Washington!' That's not change ... you know, you can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig." He continued, "You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change. It's still gonna stink. We've had enough of the same old thing." September, 2008)

"Form is temporary, Class is permanent"
Sir Alex Ferguson

From this point on I'm going to treat people exactly how they treat me. Some should be glad. Others should be scared.

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

People say everything happens for a reason, so when i reach over and smack you in the face remember...there was a reason!

Why is orange juice made with artificial oranges but dishwasher fluid is made with real oranges?

"Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows."

I didn't trip, I just attacked the floor with my mad ninja skills!

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

Dear Summer, I'm afraid it's just not working out between us. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Love (not really), Me

If you ever been in the office of Ken Custer, publisher of Denver's Advertising and Marketing Review magazine, you've seen the old sign on his wall espousing the mother of all mantra's for marketers: “Do you know what happens when you don't advertise? Nothing.”

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems.....I'm tired of always helping you.

Q: What would you get if Newcastle were relegated?
A: 45,000 more Chelsea fans

4 surgeons are taking a tea break:
1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
3rd surgeon says "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th surgeon says "I prefer Tottenham fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable."

Q: What do you call a Wimbledon fan with an IQ of 10?
A: Supremely gifted!

Q: How do you make a Gunners fan run?
A: Build a job centre.

A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Southampton FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"

Q: What is the difference between Coventry and the bermuda triangle?
A: The bermuda triangle has three points.

Q: Name three football clubs that contain swear words?
A: A: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and F*****g Man Utd.

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Man Utd striker Diego Forlan?
A: Clinton can score.

Q: What do you get if you see a Leeds United fan buried up to his neck in sand?
A: More sand.

Q: What do you call 100 Arsnal supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!

Q: What do you call a dead Gunner Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.

Two men are fishing on a river bank in a remote area of the River Thames on a Saturday afternoon miles away from any radio or tv. Suddenly one man turns to the other and says "The Gunners have lost again."
The other man was flabbergasted and said "how in the name of god do you know that?"
The other man replied "It's quarter to five."

Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.

Q: What does Claudi Ranieri say when Chelsea score?
A: Fantastic. Now let us try to get goal at other end of pitch.

Q: What do Chelsea keepers and Michael Jackson both have in common?
A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

Q: What's the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan!

Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!

Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans
A: Gross Stupidity

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.
Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.
Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved

Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
A: I don't know, there are some things a pig just won't do.

Q. Two Chelsea fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?.
A. Who gives a F**K!

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

Q: What's the difference between Mourinho and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Mourinho.

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Rafael Benitez: "Our new Winger cost five million. I call him our wonder player"
Sir Alex Ferguson: "Why's that?"
Rafael Benitez: "Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!"

Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"

Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

"Beware of people who dislike cats."
Irish Proverb

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
English Proverb

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Jeff Valdez

Meow is like aloha - it can mean anything.
Hank Ketchum

Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats.
Author Unknown

The best kind of alarm clock is the purring kind.
Terri Guillemets

Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll on a dead fish.
James Gorman

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.
E.W. Howe

I don't think it is so much the actual bath that most cats dislike; I think it's the fact that they have to spend a good part of the day putting their hair back in place.
Debbie Peterson

I named my kitten Rose - fur soft as a petal, claws sharper than thorns.
Astrid Alauda

I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul.
Jean Cocteau

When your kitty purrs to you, doesn't it break your heart that you can't purr back?
Terri Guillemets

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.
Faith Resnick

Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.
Robertson Davies

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
Missy Dizick

The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat.
Jules Reynard

You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats.
Colonial American Proverb

A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem.
Jean Burden

Cats do care. For example they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off. Michael Nelson

The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal - it's also the reason they hate birds.
K.C. Buffington

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
Ellen Perry Berkeley

There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats.
Albert Schweitzer

If cats could talk, they wouldn't.
Nan Porter

There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat.
Tay Hohoff

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
Dereke Bruce

You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.

When I see you smile and know that it is not for me, that is when I will miss you the most.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.

When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's when you're healed.

The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other

Your cat purrs at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine. This is around 26 purrs per second. Guinea pigs, rabbits, squirrels, lemurs, elephants and gorillas also purr.

What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish? This tastes funny.

Buying a Nikon doesn't make you a photographer. It makes you a Nikon owner.

There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs.
Ansel Adams

There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer.
Ansel Adams

When you photograph people in colour you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in B&W, you photograph their souls!
Ted Grant

You don't take a photograph. You ask, quietly, to borrow it.

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine...
Kelbaby

You taught me how to love; you taught me how to live; you taught me how to laugh; you taught me how to cry, but when you left, you forgot to teach me how to forget you.
Hendie

One day you'll love me, the way I loved you. One day you'll think of me the way I thought of you. One day you'll cry for me, the way I cried for you. One day you'll want me, but I won't want you.
Gwen

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.
Kezia

“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel. And I enjoy it.”

“Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.
Barbara DeAngelis

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
Samuel Butler

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
G. K. Chesterton

There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.
Jean Anouilh

Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.
Otomo No Yakamochi

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.
Albert Einstein

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
Albert Einstein

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
Albert Einstein

How many legs does a dog have, if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.
Abraham Lincoln

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

"Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows."

Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above

** Twinkle twinkle, little star... Point me to the nearest bar **

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

Do, or do not. There is no 'try'
- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is."
- Yogi Berra

"Dancing is silent poetry."
- Simonides (556-468bc)

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
- Sharon Stone

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)

"Facts are the enemy of truth."
- Don Quixote - "Man of La Mancha"

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
- Steven Wright

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)

"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."
- Auric Goldfinger, in "Goldfinger" by Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)

"Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera."
- James Stephens (1882-1950)

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
- Mel Brooks

"In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience."
- W.B. Prescott

"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
- Mae West (1892-1980)

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)

"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
- Gloria Leonard

"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

"Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done."
- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy

"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
- Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)