You know you've been in Vietnam too long when:

Vietnamese lady drivers in differing weather conditions

You know you've been in Vietnam too long when:

• You think it’s normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m
• You begin to enjoy VN TV programs
• You look both ways before crossing a one way street
• You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Vietnam girls or cranky ATM's
• You put salt, chilli and Fish sauce on your fruit
• A Vietnam cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet
• You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car
• All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar
• You can’t remember the last time you wore a suit and tie
• You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire
• Someone tells you that watching VN politics is like watching two chameleons making love, and you understand the analogy
• You aren’t upset when the bar girl next to you eats Dog and Fish Sauce as a snack
• Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the Dog and Fish Sauce
• You haven’t had a solid stool for five years
• You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there
• You think white wine goes well with with anything
• You understand when your VN wife says, ‘My friend you’ or ‘Same, same, but different’
• A VN bar girl you’ve just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away

- You realize that your Vietnamese wife’s loyalties belong to:

1. Her parents2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Vietnamese scoundrel who deserted her
3. Any remaining blood relatives
4. The family buffalo
5. The family’s goldfish
6. You

• The Vietnam Navy buys a new submarine and you’re not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang da VN flag from the rear view mirror
• You consider your mobile phone a fashion accessory
• You start wearing flip flops everywhere
• You start driving cars with bare feet
• You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewelry
• Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet
• When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road
• You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection
• It’s two days before payday, so you only go to Bia Hoi on the corner
• You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay
• You think a calendar more useful than a watch
• You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus
• You can't remember the last time you had a dry fart
• You think putting ice in red wine is normal
• You phone home and talk like a retard
• You don't care or know what day of the week it is
• You think 15kb's of upload speed is quite fast
• You begin to think you actually are a 'Hansum Man'
• You automatically without thinking swear in Vietnamese
• You have a Vietnam nickname (Monkey)
• You own a CD compilation with Gangnam Style at the top of the pile
• You sit in a bar in Saigon surrounded by half naked girls and you just want to watch the golf on the small screen in the corner
• You avoid walking under fruit laden coconut palms
• You avoid looking into a girls eyes longer than 3 seconds
• Your hotel lets you in accompanied by 2 or 3 girls after paying a surcharge and you think it is normal
• You know where to buy booze no matter where you are
• You realize your whisky and soda is rum based
• You accept 5 on a motorbike when shopping is normal
• You accept builders clambering up bamboo scaffolding with no boots or helmets
• You count the number of passengers embarking on a ferry
• You automatically get green tea to accompany your coffee and dont bat an eyelid
• Pedestrian crossings mean nothing
• Nothing surprises you and things are not always what they seem
• You realize Vietnam logic does not tally with Western logic
• You don’t believe anything they tell you!